i finally reset my password(4got it..lol).... xD
havnt been here in awhile.... lot to catchup...lolt of people to stalk..muahahah..xD

Presently

its hurts... it hurts .....sakit sakit SAAAAAAAAAAAKITTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

i feel like i'm spiralling down..like a fighter jet shot down.... .
spiralling towards the earth.. ..i'm stuck in dat cockpit..

so i tekan my eject button... Pehal nie...parachute xkuar..."too busy"... "please try again later"....

i'm still plummeting towards the earth... i'm scared.. i'm terrified...

i recall...

people keep telling me ...
don't go on that plane...
it's not too late to turn back...
don't!! don't !!!
WTF are U doing!!! Get off!!!

sure...at first..ur soaring thru the clouds.... theres no better feeling....
the warmth u feel in ur heart.. butterflies in ur stomach...

but then u go thru that storm...

u cudn't see thru it...u'll wonder if u make it thru ..
all u see is darkness..

thick dark clouds...
just as ur thoughts..

when u come out..
u realise it's not over..
there about...20 planes
they all want that feeling..
like ur alone in da sky..
it's just u n her..
at the end of the day......

u'll realise..
the sky is not urs..
God didn't create her for U..
the sky's beauty isn't just for U..
she touches everyone whos blessed enough to realise it..
i guess i thought it was for me...but it's not..
teh sky is not entitled to me...
myb the other 20++ or even more( IM NOT COUNTING )..hanvt realise yet...

my wings starts to fail...my engine barely functioning...

at this point...i realise...there's nothing i can do to save myself..

wat do i do..

do the only thing i can do...
pray...n hope..
talk to the only one that listens..Allah...The Merciful...The Forgiving..
I have been ungrateful..


di sini sye ingin mengucap ribuan trima kasih kpeda.....
shafinaz..kak anis...eqa fad.....fifi..smah...farah.. arda even..colin ...n...to my surprise...even..kidin..i feel like i'm missing someone..oooooooo...azy & sal =D.sory if i didn't mention u...i hope u all understand whats underneath this "story" of mine..xD

IT'S NOT THAT SIMPLE

Theres probably over a million things people say about love.. Y???

Does anyone know what's its like to bury your own feelings ... burying it under ur smiles..
Just so that the one that posesses ur heart won't know what lies urderneath ur smiles...
Making sure she doesn't look into ur eyes and see the sadness in ur heart..
Pretending like ur having a normal day whenever u see her...
Like ur having a daily routine in ur normal happy life..
Just so that she won't know how u feel for her..
The "three words" ur dying to say to her..

IMAGINE..

Seeing her and not being able to say it to her...

NOW IMAGINE...
Trying not to let your jealosy expose you when she's talking to another guy..
Trying NOT STRANGLE/CEKIK every guy that she talks to..
Trying to control yourself when shes holding her phone and your not on the other end..it's not with U...
Trying not to tink that ..there is a chance she'll fall in love with one of those guys.. and it won't be you..it'll be with THOSE CREEPS..

Trying to keep smiling whenever you see her..when all you wan't to do is say to her how much you love her...

Imagine ..
Letting her go ..
with someone else... cause u'll know she'll be happier with him.. even if U know he'll never come close to loving her as much as U do..

but because you love her u'll let her go...she'll be happier with him....

Just imagine..
Having these thoughts running in your head everday..
Seeing her everday...


NOW IMAGINE..
Having to this for almost two years...
Maybe all for nothing..
So that she can live he normal daily routine ..one without the guilt of breaking someone's heart

To say that you're in a state of sadness is just ain't rite anymore..
but u can't even tink u any superlative that can come even close to describe how u feel... The only way to desribe it is.. Emotionally exhausting..

LOVE ISN'T AS SIMPLE AS " I LOVE YOU"

MY REASON

okay..havn't been here in awhile...plenty to say..

but i tink..i feel..i just want to say this to one specific person..YOU.U know who U are..

let me start just by saying...

I AM YOUR BEST FRIEND.. to say that " you we're never there for me"... hurts ..very much..
u convince me again and again..u tell me u'll never leave me again...
so y won't u let me be ur BEST FRIEND..

i still cant learn to accept that you wont find me when u nid someone...

it hurts..whenver im tinkin of it...it still stings like the first time u said it..

okay.. im the one u find when u want to hav fun..relax...and all that..

but can't i be ur everthng??
cant i be wat u entitled me to be??
ur best!
let me be ur best evrthng..

yes i want to be the first person u tink of when u wan to share a special place with ..a memory.. the first person u tink of when u miss home... the first person u tink of when ur happy..

all of them is fine..but not enough for me..I WANT TO BE UR BEST EVERYTHING..
i want u go find me when u need a friend..
a shoulder to cry on..
how do u tink i feel when u say...

"i cried for FOUR HOURS"
"no..i've been crying for TWO DAYS STRAIGHT"

and u dint come and find me..
its not me u search for..

i am ur bff... let me be..

u may tink i dun get u ....but i do... u tink i dun...but i do.. i understand u very well...u tink i cant breach ur wall..

MY DARLING SUNSHINE...

you can build ur wall as high as u want..
but dun keep me out...

IT HURTS.

Baby Steps

Hello WORLD!!!

I guess i shud start with intros eh?...

Full name : nid not 2 noe... for now... it's just akmal / kei

Currently 18

Wat most of my blog will be about : hmmmmmmmmmmm..... lets see....
READ THE TITLE... In pursuit of happiness...which is...sometimes feels like chasing after ur own shadow... can't catch it.... or sometimes like chasing a rainbow...hard enuff rite?? but when u get 2 de end of the rainbow... there's no pot of gold...just lies..false hope n makes u feel like gettin urself kicked in da nut.. that basically wat this is all about...most of nyways...

-------------------WARNING-------------CAUTION-------------

MY BLOG WILL B "EMO"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! whoeva can't take it ...just eff off!!
Reason for starting a blog...

Mainly I need an "output"..somewhere to channel my anger/pain/suffering/stress etc... (u get the idea) ..and to stop bugging my friends.. esp.. my bff... shafinaz....mostly her!!!....

I also like the idea of having a place just to say wat i want w/o having to call someone...xD..so that my fone bill xla TINGGI NAK MAMPOS DA!!!...

I'm also here so that i stalk my bff n my baby sis... xP... which i figured out isn't really a baby anymore... O.O

N i'd like to know how ppl make money just by blogging...LOL... can't fault me 4 tryin my luck rite?? xD


Wat triggered me 2 start a blog --------------->


It's friggin 4 a.m... i just found out about something that something that i hoped n feared not 2 happen... It happend!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT EFFING HAPPEND!! and my frens are asleep.... !!!

I feel a sudden urge 2 talk 2 colin...tah nape....dye plak..of all people..xP...

n.... in case ur reading fifi...i still miss u..im still w8ing 4 u to come back... i meant wat i said b4...everyting ...word 4 word..i meant them....

i don't tink i can cry ... even if i wanted to... hmm.....myb hati da kras kowt..O.O.. XKAN!!

well... enuff la..1st blog nyways..ckop la...bkn da org nk bc pon...xD....

*********************btoi ckap kak lisa...

AWAT USTAQ BAKAQ AZAN PKOI 5!!! O.O**************************************************

DA JUMPA PORT NASI LEMAK BES GLER KAT PERDA....lalala ~~~ xD